So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
time to smoke my breakfast
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
