btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
