Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
