I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
