Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
