I wish I only lived at night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
