how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
