he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize