3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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