Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How's work?
Spinning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
