I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize