Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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