You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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