Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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