I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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