Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
