I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
