Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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