Plan B is the new Plan A
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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