chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
