She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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