my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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