i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
