So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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