How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
