True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
