Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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