Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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