Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
