Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
