it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
