If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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