her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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