i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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