the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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