are you so shy because you have an std?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
