worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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