I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize