I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize