Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
