Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
