New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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