I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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