I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
