I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
