bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
