Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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