i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
