just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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