i would punch a child for taco bell
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
