I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
