My friends, they love my intelligence
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
