i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
