marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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