Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
