What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
