Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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