I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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