from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
