God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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