i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
