you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
