I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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