did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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