I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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