i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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