i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
