I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
