Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
